The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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