Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
