and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
