Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
