Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
