So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
