So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
