How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
They have beer where we have blood.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
