census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
