The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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