I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
