She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
