What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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