the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
