So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
