Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
