My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
