Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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