He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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