She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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