yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
