getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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