I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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