I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
