sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
