I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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