What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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