I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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