Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My vagina is officially offended.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
