I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
