And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
