I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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