Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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