one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
