whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
