John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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