im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
