Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
