dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
