Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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