AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
