I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
