last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
