We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
