She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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