I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
