Are we in a gay sports bar?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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