New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
