I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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