she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
