I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
